The hidden years in Canada 182, the midnight candle

Door San-Daniel gepubliceerd op Saturday 12 September 17:58


The midnight candle

I drove back in a deeply excited state of mind. This was the first day back in the big city, civilization and madness jumped at you from all sides. My right hand was searching for the chromed knob and turned it with a small click to the right, the little speaker crackled for a moment and then bright and clear CKXL came into the cabin. The cheerful voice was just announcing a record, I heard just the end, and an Oriental rythm, floating in the air, began to fill the cabin. A hypnotic voice, poetic of origin, pulled me into the madness of everyday life and the voice told me what was happening to the children of creation, they were going crazy. I was drawn into the text and realized that it was about me and what I had just experienced, I shivered when that realization dawned on me, it was not that you felt a connection with the text, it was more than coincidence, the universe spoke to me, touched me.

This is the end

Beautiful friend

This is the end

My only friend, the end


Of our elaborate plans, the end

Of everything That stands, the end

No safety or surprise, the end

I'll never look into your eyes ... again

I had to think about my brother in whose eyes I would never be able to look again and he had indeed been my only true friend in my life. I rebounded with the big American back into my lane, startled by loud honking. The hypnotic voice had almost pulled me into the little speaker.

Can you picture what will be

So limitless and free

Desperately in need ... of some ... stranger's hand

In a ... desperate land


I had been lost in the country, the desperate country, and I had needed the stranger's hand to survive. The rotten country had been white and indeed limitless, there was no end to. I was mesmerized, had something like this happened to Dangerous Sam, I wondered during a tempo change in the music. Too much had happened to me, I thought, maybe I heard what was there, because it involved my state of mind. The voice of Jimmy Morrision picked up the text again he was uttering an incantation, and I was part of it.


Lost in a Roman ... wilderness of pain

And all the children are insane

All the children are insane

Waiting for the summer rain, yeah

There's danger on the edge of town

Ride the King's highway, baby


I had recognized the voice, it really was Jimmy who spoke to me in my old blue 1952 Pontiac. The Romans were known for their orgies he sang about being lost in an orgy of pain, he sang about the desolation and wilderness, in short poetic phrases and the rhythm of the music made it into a whole, floating over the Himalayas, and over the ice lake and looking down on Calgary and me. Everyone is frantic, the voice told me, they are waiting for the cool summer rain, to cool their senses and I understood what he said, I was almost Jimmy, as he sang about me. There's danger on the edge of town, Jimmy told me and I nodded, I had been there, the Queens was very dangerous, always and I had only been driving the last weeks

 The blue bus is callin 'us

The blue bus is callin 'us

Driver, where you taken 'us


Resolutely I turned the switch off and the spell was broken. I had seen that blue bus, just seconds ago, it had been blue and the police had come streaming out. The text came too close to me, something in me was warning me. I searched my way through the evening traffic and I was filled with what I had seen and felt, and I was so fed up with it all. It was indeed 'the end' I was done here, so ready and done with all of the recent years. Right in the distance shone the yellow red neon lit sign of the ‘four seasons’ to meet me. I did not need Jimmy to tell me what was going to happen to me. A captivating song using me as a medium, something tried to touch on something far away and tried to tell me something, I shook it lose from me. I was glad that I got to the parking lot of the breakfast hotel and now the spell was definitively broken.


The night clerk looked up from his newspaper and smiled as I walked past. I did not take the elevator but walked up the stairs. It was five to eleven and I came into the hall where employees had their rooms. The door was ajar and I knocked and stepped inside. It was 11 o’clock, two candles were lit and the light in the bathroom had been let on. Shirley was lying in bed and smiled, ‘you've come,’ she said, ‘had a good night?’ I estimated the situation, there would be little sleep, ‘I'm okay,’ I replied simply.’ ‘Good, said my former boss, ‘you can now take a shower because I like my boys clean and then come to have a good time with Auntie Shirley. So I washed and rinsed off the evening and when I approached the bed I was almost pulled into it.

San Daniel 2015

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